Thursday, July 14, 2011

Hard Times

I haven't been tending to the blog for a long time. Those of you who are Facebook friends of ours know that since April we have been going through a difficult situation in our family. Thanks for all of your support. We are looking for something positive to eventually come of it. Sometimes, though, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you have just barely entered it. We have often questioned why this has happened. We remain strong supporters of adoption from Ukraine, but we just never dreamed we would be going through this.

We lived out our adoption in this public blog, and we loved having you along on our journey. But this situation just isn't appropriate to talk about here.

You see this often in the adoption blogs and forums and it is worth repeating. Adoption is not for the faint of heart. As difficult as the process is, in many ways the hardest part begins when you get home. You did not have the benefit of teaching them your family values in their formative years. You were not able to protect them from the abuse that some of them suffered before you got them. Unfortunately, once the honeymoon period is over, life can get very difficult. Just go into your adoption with open eyes and a strong support system. You will very likely need it.

13 comments:

Adoption Adventure said...

I have been following your blog for several years. I don't know what is going on but I can guess. We went through an extremely difficult time as well and I have just now started blogging again. I will be praying for you. Rhonda

Sergey and Tatyana said...

Praying for you and your family! Adoption it's a life long journey, and its difficult most of the time. But remember, God is with you!

Ashley said...

You are right- adopting isn't for the faint of heart. There are major struggles even when you adopt a child as a baby/toddler (my son was 2.5 when we brought him home from Ukraine) and I'm living through those right now. I have a lot of respect for those that answer the call to adopt an older child. Since it is a calling, one thing for sure is that Christ will carry you through the issues and the hard times when you suffer through them. From my little experience as an adoptive mother, it seems like the more willing I am to just walk through the hard times and hand them over to Christ, the better the outcome. Not to mention, the stress seems to go away. I'm just now learning how to open my heart to my new son. It has taken a long time because of a battle with post adoption depression. But for the last few months I've began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know I can't run to it, but I walk carefully and look forward to the day when I'm standing in that light. I'll praise God for the strength He's given me to keep walking, just as I praise Him for how far I've already come. I'll say a prayer. You've done a great thing by simply putting it out there and letting us fellow Christians step up and offer up some needed prayers. He'll carry you to light at the end of the tunnel (as you probably know) if you just keep walking forward.

Diana said...

You speak the truth!

I too have been a long time follower and can only guess at what is going on...and if my hunch is anywhere close to accurate, I can probably sit down and cry to the depths of my soul with you over it, too. I'm also pretty sure if I check Ashley's profile, I'll find out we're probably in the same boat. And I'm going to check it out because her comment was really written just for me :-).

Though we absolutely never intended to, and we certainly never intended for our blog as public as it is now, we opted to keep blogging through it for this very reason...so people COULD see what really goes on. When we adopted, NO ONE was talking about this stuff. People either quit blogging once they got home (I so get why now) or they only talked about the happy and pretty stuff.

I don't blog about the specifics anywhere nearly as much as I did early on. My kids are still much younger than yours, but they are still growing up and we have to respect their privacy. What I didn't expect in return for keeping up my blog was an incredible support group of wonderful people who GET IT! - the best you'll ever find. We are so not alone!

May your family be blessed with peace and healing all the way around.

Kevin and Pam said...

Sorry to hear about your difficulty. Our family surely knows the hard times too. There are days I wonder how I can do it another day. My strength has to come from Christ alone. I will lift you up in prayers. I would like to find you on f/b too.

Kari said...

Alan,
Sorry to read this post. I will be praying for your family. It seems like many families are struggling right now. Kari

Healy Family said...

I have always felt a little connection with you and your adoption - we left Kiev the day after you did with our 2 new daughters. I frequently cry out, "why me Lord?" and there are days that simply seem impossible. The ONLY consolation I find sometimes is that I am CERTAIN that this is what the Lord called us to do, and HE is NEVER wrong.

It is tough almost all of the time. We knew it would be hard, but just didn't know what hard would look like. Hard is often very very ugly.

I hang on in faith and hope that the Lord's plans for these kids will prevail. He placed these kids in our family and this is exactly where they need to be in order for His perfect will to be accomplished in their lives. Easier said than done most days.

I will pray and pray and pray for you.

Conethia and Jim Bob said...

Alan,

I really hate to hear of your difficulties, but as you know, they are the inevitable truths of adoption that are always left out of the story books. You have always been such a strong support for our family, especially while our family was in the making. We will be praying for your family, for the strength and confidence in one another.

Hugs from afar,

The McEacherns said...

Praying for your family!

mikeandmichelle said...

I just read your post and will be praying for your family. Even though I felt we were well educated on adoption and are just beginning the post adoption journey, it has been much harder than I thought at times. I always appreciated your blog because of it honesty (and all the information). I have sometimes been fearful to share my feelings on our blog, afraid people would judge me because it wasn't all sunshine and roses. I have found everytime I do expose my heart; there has been this overwhelming support from other adoptive families (yours included)that understand our struggles.
I am praying in faith for your family's peace and healing.

Matt & Tiffany said...

Alan,
I appreciate the encouraging comment you left on my blog. Im obviously new to the adoption process (and blogging). Adoption is indeed a "roller coaster" of emotions. Somehow it helps knowing that other adoptive parents agree. I have prayed for you and your family. God is faithful.
-Tiffany

Mr. B. said...

I stumbled onto your blog today. Moving. Hoping and wishing and praying for the best for the family. You guys are doing wonderful things. Keep the faith.

The McEacherns said...

You could move Bob and Amy Land into your didn't complete adoption list. They aborted their adoption, and another family has since adopted the little girl they'd been pursuing.