#19

We lost internet at the apartments at 7:30 Sunday morning. I know because I was online when it died. It turns out that some equipment was stolen, and as of Tuesday morning it still does not work yet.


Yesterday was Sergey's big day.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I had already signed Sergey out of the orphanage last Friday afternoon. All that was remaining from me was the Final Decree, which if you'll recall, had a mistake in it and had to be reissued.

Monday at 9:00 I took the bus over to #4, and gave the decree to the social worker. She took me over to the director's office, where the assistant director signed some document, put a stamp on it, and then she said, that is all.

Sergey was in class and some kids that met me at the entrance had gone to fetch him. He came down the steps in the stairwell in his school uniform for the last time. He hurried down to the playroom to change into the other clothes that I had brought him.

I caught up with him there. He was really hustling, ready to be out of there. He was already changed by the time I got down there. He put his school clothes in his closet, went over to a different one and pulled out a suitcase from the bottom shelf. He had already packed it with his things. We had given him a small rolling suitcase when he left us last summer, and he still has it.

A few of his classmates started showing up in the playroom, but were eventually shooed out by a worker.

So it was just the two of us, walking down the long hallway to the exit with suitcase in tow. It was kind of anticlimactic. We would be back at 2:00 again for his going away party.

M had told us that if we went down this one street there would be a hair salon, where we could get Sergey's hair cut. We never did find it and ended up walking probably a mile, where we were able to catch a bus downtown to our apartment.

I had made arrangements to transfer to a larger apartment on Monday. For the last two weeks I have been in a small apartment with just a single bed. The new one has two bedrooms. So Sergey helped me transfer everything. We sat for a couple of minutes to rest, then we were off again. By this time is was 12:00 so we walked over to McDonald's for lunch, which he loves, and I despise. Even though McDonald's is a two minute walk from the apartment, I hadn't been there since our court day when Nancy, Valya, Sergey and I were all together. As I think about it, it seems like a year ago, though it was exactly two weeks ago to the day.

After lunch, we continued our search for a barber. We found a place not far from the apartment but when we went in, the guy said that this salon was very expensive, so we said thanks but no thanks and went on our merry way. The Aphena mall is on the way to the bus stop, so we stopped in to exchange some money and it was back on the bus to #4 again.

We stopped at a grocery store to pick up food and supplies for his party. We bought 18 bananas, a bunch of sliced baloney looking meat, 6 liters of juice, 2 large bags of potato chips, 2 bags of little chocolate candies, plates, and cups. Sergey had already made arrangements for his Godmother, Irina, to come to the party, and she would be bringing a cake.

From there we made the 20 min. hike to the orphanage. When we got there, we started preparations. I put Sergey in charge of that and headed outside for some last pictures of the facility. I had never been on the north side and had always wanted to see it, as I had seen pictures of the children in that area before we came to Ukraine.

There was one spot in particular on the south side where I wanted to take some pictures. We have pictures of Sergey playing there with his friends when he was much younger, maybe 2nd or 3rd grade. Many of the friends in those pictures are gone now, but some are still there. I had asked Sergey, how many of your classmates have been adopted, and he immediately said without hesitation that he was #19. If I had any doubts that the kids took note when a classmate was adopted, they were erased.

I have seen videos and pictures of children in this spot, and I took a few minutes to just stand and look around and let them replay in my mind, knowing that this was the last time I would be here. The place was quiet, as the children were still at lunch. Like ghosts, the children in my mind were playing on the playground equipment, sitting on the brightly colored benches talking, playing hopscotch in the drive. It was bittersweet; in some weird way I would miss this place, as I had visited on countless afternoons over the last two months, and now it was over. When we came back to America for a couple of weeks in January, the crazy irony was that we couldn't wait to get home, but once there, I did miss it. Not because of the place, but because of the kids. Knowing this, I just stood in silence, taking it all in.

After a 1/2 hr. outside, I went back in. Sergey hadn't even STARTED setting up, so I quickly dispatched him to find some tables. By this time the kids were finishing lunch and were starting to show up in the playroom to change clothes. They just change out of their school uniforms right there in the open.

Tables arrived and were put in place, and then the kids just took over setting out the places and divvying up the food.

Grandma Lela and Alyona were there. Alyona is a lady that has helped us occasionally with our adoption process while we are here. She was our translator in court, for example. We were waiting for M to arrive, and Alyona was there, so I asked her to translate for me. I wanted to say some things to the kids. We called them over to sit on the floor in a group. I told them how thankful I was to them for making Nancy, Mark, and I feel so welcome, and for being our friends while we were here. I had stayed awake most of the night before thinking about them and praying for them, and I had thought about what I wanted to say to each one. So one by one, I called them up to stand by me and I held each one in my arms and told them something positive about them and how important they are. Kids like it when you do that and that never happens here. While I wouldn't have chosen to be here for two months, that did allow me to get to know the kids. I told each one that I was praying for them that they would get a family. It was especially hard to share with a couple of them as the tears came.

While we were in America during the break, we printed out hundreds of copies of photos we took in December. I had sorted them all out and prepared a packet of photos for each child of him and his friends. I told them that I had more from January and I would send them when I got back to America. I have seen that orphans love pictures of themselves. They have no cameras of their own and they love these mementos. When you think about how many photos you take of your own kids growing up, to know that these kids are growing up with none is very sad. They hang on to them as treasures. While we were there, some of the kids that did have pictures wanted to show them to us.

M finally arrived, poor thing broke her toe at her apartment the day before and it takes her awhile to get around. The kids enjoyed their food then for the most part scattered. In all, it was a pretty subdued party. Sergey's Godmother arrived later with her cake and several of the kids showed up, so we ate again.

Through M, I was able to have a nice visit with Irina. I had been curious how she came to be Sergey's Godmother. The way it turned out was that Irina was visiting her sister in Odessa and someone in their Orthodox church said that they wanted to have children in the shelter baptized and they were looking for volunteers to serve as sponsors. So somehow, Irina was Sergey's sponsor. Irina has lived in Moscow for 30 years but has since moved to Odessa. It is nice that she is still interested in him. I told her that after we get Valya to Odessa we would like to visit her. She would like that.

Luba stayed close to me as we were visiting. This is the first time I've really had a conversation with her, as M was there with us and was able to translate. She is so sweet and really wants a family, but she has 3 other siblings that would also have to be adopted with her. Earlier, when I had her come up in front of the kids, I told her that I prayed that she would find a really close friend to love and that would love her. Her name, Luba, means love, and I told her that I think she has a lot of love inside of her that she needs to share.

Soon it was time to leave, and I was glad at this point that there were not many kids around. M, Irina, Sergey, and I all left together. I took one last look down the hall, and that was it.

We all took the bus downtown. Irina went her way, while we 3 went to visit an American family that lives downtown for a small Superbowl party. The Swinney's came by and we had pizza and treats. M had tivo'd the game and we watched it on her computer. We had fun. Since our internet has been down at the apartment, the Swinney's brought their computer along and were able to make travel arrangements to Kiev. They will be leaving Wed. afternoon. They have been in Odessa for 9 weeks and they are ready to be out of here.

Sergey and I had to leave at halftime as we needed to be on the road at 8:00 in the morning. We are going to Rozdilna today to work on Valya's birth certificate. We're not entirely sure when we will be able to come back to America, but our facilitator says things are going smoothly so far. She spent the day in Rozdilna yesterday working on Valya's property issue.


Here are some pictures from the day.


I was a witness to a dream come true. Sergey smiled and smiled as we checked out from #4. Looking back, I find the whole thing very humbling. What a profound impact we have had on his little life. The hopes and dreams of an orphan now rest on our family. How in the world did we get to this point... Where will we go from here...






After we got to the apartment, Sergey helped move everything to a bigger one. Our old one was on the 4th floor, the new one is on the 3rd. There is no elevator. The Aphena mall, in Greek Square, as seen from the 4th floor balcony.



If these walls could speak... Took some time to be nostalgic in spots where Sergey and his friends used to play children's games.





The front lobby at the entrance. It was sad to see a child sitting alone in the dark here in the late afternoon as I was arriving or leaving.



A sad looking dog. Maybe he was sad to to be left behind, too.



The kids enjoy treats at Sergey's going away party. This wasn't his home anymore, he was there as a visitor this time.




The last moments with Luba. I'm still in Odessa and I already miss the kids.



This is really it. Sergey leaving with M and his Godmother.



Goodbye #4. This is the end of the story for us at this place. We will not be visiting again. Best wishes to you who will be coming here for your children. We will follow your blogs with great interest.

It Is Decreed, Let It Be So

Yesterday, after a lot of running around, we were able to obtain the Final Decree from the court, AKA Their Ticket Outta Here. We had court on January 19 and this is the decree from the judge that grants Valentina and Sergey to us. It did not take effect however, until after the 10-day waiting period expired. Ukrainian law provides this time to allow for appeals. I've never heard of anyone appealing, but who knows. Even if someone appeals, they'd get a pretty tough grilling by the judge. Where have you been all of this time? Why have you never visited the child before now? Do you have the means to care for this child? You're planning to adopt this child, then, are you? etc. It's VERY unlikely to happen.

The Final Decree is the piece of paper, 3 sheets in our case, that is the key for the remaining adoption tasks we have. Friday, the first step was to go to the courthouse and get it. Now, let me ask ask you: How many decree originals signed by the judge do you think we will need? One? How about 14. Our facilitator was in a hurry, so we only got two for now. Will get the rest next week. We went down to the office to get birth certificates, but uh oh, she told us that there is a mistake in the decree. Some place name is wrong. So it was back to the courthouse to get it fixed. They fixed it fast enough, but the judge was presiding over a criminal trial. Our two updated decrees needed his signatures. So we had to wait and wait. Finally Nataliya was able to get the signatures. We went over to #4 so that I could sign some documents, then we went to the passport office to get that started. Throw in a trip to the Notary's office somewhere in there and by this time it was 5:00 and that was all we could get done. We never did make it back down to the birth certificate office. That office is closed on Monday. I'm not sure if we've had a setback or not, there is some overlap in the things going on here.

On Monday, our facilitator will be in Valya's registration city, Rozdilna, dealing with the property issue that she has.

Monday will also be a big day for us. At 9:00 AM, I will go and sign out Sergey from the orphanage. He will be with me permanently after that point. Afterward, I will take him for a haircut, and go food shopping for his going-away party after school.

Tuesday, Sergey will have to come along as we go to Rozdilna to get Valya's birth certificate. Things are still tentative, but I'm thinking we'll bring Valya down to Odessa overnight so that I can take her shopping. She needs a few articles of clothing yet that I don't have. We didn't know her size, so we weren't able to bring them from America. Neither of the kids can take their clothing from their orphanages, not even their underwear, so I have to provide them with all when they sign out. On Wednesday, both of the kids need to get photographed for their Ukrainian passports. They'll need them for travel. Then I'm thinking we'll have Valya's party at Andreyevo and I'll sign her out. If this ends up being the plan, I will finally have both kids with me permanently by Wednesday night. This has been a long time coming, it is surreal to even think about.

I went down to Sergey's orphanage this afternoon. I knew that he wouldn't be aware that he was leaving on Monday. I gathered up a bag of clothing and shoes for him, and headed over there. When I met him, I told him that I have big news for him - Monday you will leave. He didn't understand what I meant. Leave, to go where? No, I mean you will be leaving here forever! At 9:00 on Monday. It took him a while to grasp it as I have never hinted before as to when he would be able to leave. He was SO happy. I showed him the clothes that I brought. I told him, on Monday, you will not have to go to school. Don't put those clothes on, put these on. We went through the bag to make sure everything was in there. Then I told him, let's go, we're going to go have pizza at M's. M and Sergey have been friends since he was in 1st grade and he had never been to her apartment before. He gave his things to Grisha to save for him, then the next thing was to go find a supervisor. In the past, I've been very humble about asking permission for things. This time, I just told her, I am taking Sergey out to eat, we will be back in a couple of hours. She looked a little surprised, apparently she hadn't heard that Sergey is leaving on Monday. I told her that and that put an end to any resistance.

We had a nice dinner with M and her roommate. Sergey got to look at photo albums of pictures that M had taken at the orphanage over the years. They had fun reminiscing about former classmates and friends. M put him to work helping with an apple crisp. After dinner, we played Dutch Blitz, which Sergey won. That was quite an achievement, since M is an expert and usually wins.

As we were walking back to the orphanage, we stopped at a red light. He was just standing there bouncing and singing, "So happy. Happy happy happy" with a big smile. I told him, "Me too."


Here are some pictures.


These are Valentina and Sergey's current birth certificates. We have to turn these in when we get their new ones, with their new names. My understanding is that they will be destroyed, wiping out completely their original identities. Reminds me of our own adoptions, as Christians, into Christ's family. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" II Cor. 5:17



I showed Sergey his Final Decree. The one decree actually covers both Sergey and Valya.



These are Sergey's clothes he'll wear on Monday.



Helping out with apple crisp.



We have called you "Son" for a long time, it just took the government a while to come around! Hold on, in just two days your life will change forever!

Day 8, Goodbyes to Special People

Today is the 8th day of our waiting period.

Went down to #4 to see Sergey today. He is doing well but is EXTREMELY anxious to go to America, as you might imagine. We were in the playroom playing games and about 5:25 one of the workers started furiously yelling at the kids. I mean she was ANGRY. They were supposed to have been upstairs in their classroom working on homework at 5:00. Usually there is a supervisor in their room to make sure they get where they are supposed to be. But Nataliya hasn't been around much since her baby is due soon, and there was no sub today. And I didn't know any better.

As the kids were scrambling to get their things and scattering down the hall, Sergey stayed behind with me a little as I was putting on my shoes and coat. He asked can we go to America in 2 days, and I said no, I'm sorry, it is not possible yet. I told him that when he gets to America the teachers at his school will not yell at him like that. They will love you and pray with you and be kind. What a stark contrast I witnessed today in this miserable place.

I was talking with my friend M today about the teachers at #4, and we both agreed what an opportunity they've blown to have a positive impact on orphans here. I saw Karina Nasekos today and her parents. We asked her if she would miss any of her teachers, and she said no, not one. It's a sorry testament.

I went over to the apartment where the Nasekos' were staying to say goodbye to them. They are heading to Kiev tonight on the overnight train for their US Embassy tasks. After a nice visit with the 3 of them and a prayer, I gave them all a hug and a kiss to Karina. I hope that we will be able to keep Sergey and Karina connected when we are all back in America.

Also stopped in to say goodbye to the Wildeman's. They are leaving with their new 17 y.o. daughter, Vera, for Kiev on the same train as the Nasekos'. They are from Nebraska, which is right next to South Dakota, so maybe we'll be able to touch base occasionally.

Here at the Odessa Executive Suites, that just leaves me and the Swinney's. They are getting close to being done, maybe another week or so left in Odessa. It has been a very long haul for them - they have been in Odessa about 10 weeks so far I think.

Hate to see everyone go, but that's the way it needs to be. Our American adoptive community in Odessa is smaller now. Thank goodness for blogs.

Goodbye to a Classmate

Wow I am behind on my blogging again! You would think that being on my own in Ukraine there would be lots of time, but surprisingly, no.

Today is Day 7 of our 10-day waiting period. Sergey had been counting the days since court and was sure that we would be going to America on Friday. I had to disappoint him by telling him, that no, after the waiting period comes yet more waiting as we do more paperwork. "Soon," I told him, "remember how many weeks it has been since Karina had court." And about Karina...

Even though it is Monday, I want to post about last Friday. As is customary, I visit Sergey's Orphanage #4 for a couple of hours each weekday. Last Friday was a special day, though, because it was the day that the Nasekos family was taking Sergey's classmate, Karina, out of the orphanage for the last time. They threw a going away party for her. As you can expect, it was a bittersweet time. Older children, I think, realize that their time is running out for a family. They put on a happy face, but inside I know that it is painful for them. You may have moved, or known someone who has, and experienced the sadness of saying goodbye to a friend. It is that, and more for the orphans, since in many cases, their friends are their family. The years accumulate, a friend leaves, and they wonder, "Why not me? What's wrong with me?"

Sometimes in the blogs you'll read something like, "Today we sprang so and so out from the orphanage." Well, I just don't think it is that simple. Someone once said that the hardest part of an adoption is the day that you watch 100 eyes watch you leave.

I won't share too much information about the Nasekos family, because that is their place, not mine. You can see their blog post. I will only say that Karina put a lot of thought into how she wanted her party to be. I know she has seen her share of them.

The kids had a nice time, and I count myself privileged to have been able to be there to share the Nasekos' joy. I was also able to be a somewhat neutral observer of the saying goodbye to a friend. There was a girl in particular who had to watch her best friend go.

While I will be thrilled to take Sergey home, I will probably be an emotional wreck when I have to say goodbye to these dear children. I have gotten kind of close to a few of them in these last two months that I've been visiting #4. I've seen them on their good days, and their bad. I see that children are the same everywhere, desiring love and security from a family. Oh! how I wish that I could be sure that they would get one someday... Almost all adopting families want small children... The chances for older kids like these of being adopted are almost 0... I know that, but they don't... And they hope...

The other day I was telling someone that Ukraine has a way of making the powerful feel powerless. No matter what status you have in America, or how many people jump at your command, it means nothing in Ukraine. I'm not saying that I'm powerful back in America, because I'm not, but I just want to fix everything, and I can't. But the Bible says that in my weakness, I am strong. Because God starts where I end. This is where I find myself. At the end of me and the beginning of Him. Let His name be praised. Not mine. I think that's the way He wants it.


Here are some pictures from Friday.


Quite by concidence, upon arrival at #4 we ran into Dr. Vincent Rosini, the CEO and Chairman of the Board of the hosting organization, Frontier Horizon. Both Sergey and Karina were hosted out by FH last summer. FH graciously approved our hosting Sergey last August in a complicated hosting situation. I was surprised how well Dr. Vinny knew Sergey and Karina, recognizing them immediately. He even knew who I was even though we've never met before. He was glad to see Sergey and Karina with families. Dr. Vinny was at #4 working out details for hosting next summer.



Sergey and Andrei helping to put away some donated clothing.



Preparing the table. The kids were very careful to ensure that everyone got the same portions.



Grandma Lela, an American missionary, came to the party. Here she is shown with Luba. Grandma Lela has been a faithful advocate for the children, ensuring that they get medical care that the administration would otherwise not provide for them. Lela has prayed for Karina to have a family ever since she was in 1st grade. She also shares the gospel with them and her Odessa church helps them after they age out of the orphanage. I thank God for her.



Orphanage #4's 6th grade class. Three of the kids were missing - in the hospital, I think.



Karina and Kristina with their primary supervisor, Nataliya. Grandma Lela said that years ago they had another supervisor who yelled at the children all of the time. Lela confronted her over it, but it didn't help. Lela says she "prayed her out" and Nataliya replaced her. The kids love her. The first day we came to Odessa to see Sergey after our SDA appt, the first picture he wanted was of him with Nataliya.



The table is ready, time to gather.



Saying a prayer before the meal. Before the prayer, Karina spoke, and each of the kids said something to Karina. Nataliya gave an emotional message. She has been with her almost daily for several years. Matthew gave a short gospel message through an interpreter, then prayed for the kids.



The Nasekos' brought gifts for all the children, Karina was handing them out. Little Eva, the orphanage director's daughter, suddenly appeared. She always seems to know where the action is!



Here's a picture of Luba that I love. She has a beautiful smile. She is more introverted and pensive than the other kids, and is kind of a loner. She reminds me of me. Maybe that's why I connect with her. The other kids are sometimes unkind to her. Today (Monday), I had to get after Sergey for something he and a couple other boys were doing. All of the earthly possessions the kids own are in their closet, like you see here, often in only a shoebox.





Playing games, loud music, and fun, even a little dancing.



Time to clean up. It ALWAYS amazes me how responsible the kids are. They work very hard and don't have to be hounded for anything.



One last visit with Karina. Karina is Sasha's best friend. She's the one in grey. I've been told that Sasha is a champion rock climber. I think she is the champion of the whole Odessa region for her age. I guess they have a climbing wall at the orphanage. Today, when I went to #4, Sasha was sitting by herself on a little chair in the dark next to a window that overlooks the front entrance. She looked very lonely. At the time I just waved to her and said hi as I went past her. Such is the male in me. But now I regret that. I'm going to try to think of a gift to take her. Maybe some flowers. Alyona is the girl on the couch. She very badly wants a family. She has won awards for singing and knows some English, since she was hosted in America last summer. One day back in December, when we had Mark along, we were sitting on the floor and Mark was reclining against me and I had my arm around him. Several times I caught Alyona looking back at us. It was very pitiful. Sheila Nasekos had told me that she was having a difficult day that day. Here Luba is dancing to the loud music.



On her way. Today is Karina's day! Last hugs and they're off. I watched them walk down the long hallway to the exit so that I could see it from this side. Next time, we will be the ones taking that long walk. I'm already praying about it...